Dear You,

I've found myself waiting again.

Obsessively checking the mail for your letter. Re-reading your last, as if I am searching a dry canteen for those last bits of life sustaining liquid. I'm craving your understanding words, your sanity, as I am quickly loosing mine. I've run my mind into a frenzy trying desperately to think of the words you would say to calm me. I need you here in my life more then ever right now, things have turned into a real mess real fast and I can't seem to sort out even my own thoughts at this point.

 My mind has run away with me, complete insanity setting in. I'm on the brink of losing it I'm sure, I know this must be what it feels like. I'm on the edge of that cliff again, just waiting for that last push to send me spiraling off into the abyss of chaos. I'm right where you told me to never go again, on my toes with my arms spread wide just taking it all into the chest. Wave after wave smashing into me while I wait to tip,  falling so far down to a place where I can't climb out of, where the light is non existent. There is so much I dare not tell anyone. Anyone but you. If you were here. So much more than what they can see, so much that I keep behind closed doors. So much I drown out with this well practiced smile. 

This isn't me. This depressing person that is too frequently around as of late. I know you would tell me that too. You would tell me I am being silly and coax the real me back away from the edge with your words spun like silk, pulling me back into your steady arms and hold me there until your voice soothed out my shaking body and pulled the corners of my lips up into a real smile. I need that. I need you. I need your logic to bring me back to reality again. 

I know you are needed elsewhere at the time, I know there are people you are with that need you much more then I. Still I miss you, it's okay to do that right? Well I do.

659 more days.

Still waiting,

Me