Chapters

Its kind of a weird realization when you begin to understand that you were just a chapter in someones life. Not the story. They've read you and now they are moving on. Its like those easily killed off characters that can be quickly replaced in the story that they had no long term purpose in, in the first place. Characters that hardly create emotions in the reader when their time is spent. Just gone. And the reader reads on. 

I don't like goodbyes, thats probably why I am still in the places I am, still friends with the same people, still reading the same chapter over and over again. I make myself crazy wondering what it would be like if I just walked out of someones life and continued reading on. It eats me up because I can't, I can't because then I'd make myself crazy wondering what it would be like if they were still in my life. People come in and out of my life while reading their own stories and move on without a second glance, not something unusual, just life. You pass people every day that become part of your story for a short second. Its when those characters get names and stories of their own that walking away becomes goodbye. 

Time to time I take moments to think about all those characters in my story, all those I've had to say goodbye to or ones that have left me with a disappointing cliff hanger to the end of my chapter that never gets resolved. Like I said, I make myself crazy thinking about those what if's, what happened, and where are they now's. 

Some chapters I never want to close. Some I read over and over, play back memories of times past. Chapters I pray never end. When they do I feel empty, lost even. Like a writer who has lost their vision. Their story is confusing, a jumbled mess of characters with no real direction. Then when you find it the story takes off again, like wild fire, burning through the chapter so fast you are scrambling to hold on some part of it.

In conclusion, 

I've been reading way too much.