Short

So it's been a few days. My apologies. 

This morning I had a rude awakening to how fragile life is.

This morning, while out at the pasture with my horses, my dad had a heart attack.

I can't say it was the scariest moment of my life. Not even close. I even thought about the fact that it was strange how calm I was while speeding home with him to get my mom to go to the hospital. There was no surge of adrenaline, or even panic. I didn't feel much different then how I felt minutes before he alerted me of the pain in his chest. Truthfully I was more worried about him getting mad at me for clearly speeding down a residential area. Even at the first hospital, where he was given morphine and had other tests run to confirm that he was having a heart attack, or when he was emergency rushed to Utah Valley Hospital and then into emergency surgery. I was calm. Strange right?

I knew I should be panicked, and worried. Thats how most people would have reacted.

 Even my older brothers were crying in front of their wives. I am close to my dad, so it would have been expected to be a bit shaken up. Instead I felt myself faking those emotions, to the point where they almost felt real, but in the back of my mind I knew I was making myself feel them because that was what was expected. It was a weird limbo. One of my dear friends Shelby Hughes lost her Step Father earlier this year and was incredibly understanding with all of this. I couldn't have asked for a better shoulder to lean on. Even though the typical emotions weren't necessarily being felt, having someone there was more then appreciated. 

In all of this there was still that feeling that this could end at any second. 

Even after he was pronounced stable and things were looking up I was still thinking about the fact that an artery had been 100% clogged and he could have died at any second. It wasn't a panicked thought, just something I was thinking about. 

Death isn't something we can stop. And I'm not sure that bothers me.

Life is short. 

Lives end and begin every second. 

I love my dad, and I would have been more then crushed to lose him today. 

I am thankful things are cautiously optimistic and can't wait for him to be released from the ICU in a couple of days.

Live life to its fullest. Make mistakes. Learn new things. Love everyone and trust a few. Keep love moving. And keep moving forward.